Courageously Embracing Self-Love: Breaking Generational Cycles with Katarzyna Kaminska
Katarzyna Kaminska joins Kristin to share her transformative journey towards self-love and empowerment, emphasizing the importance of breaking generational cycles. Through her personal experiences, Katarzyna highlights how embracing authenticity and taking responsibility for one's actions can lead to profound changes in relationships and self-perception. The conversation delves into the idea of victimhood versus empowerment, illustrating how shifting one's mindset can create healthier dynamics in family and friendships. Both guests discuss the significance of surrounding oneself with supportive communities and the power of intentional living. Listeners are encouraged to take actionable steps toward self-acceptance and to reflect on their own relationships, ultimately leading to a more courageous and fulfilling life.
Takeaways:
- Self-love is a journey that requires breaking generational cycles and taking responsibility for oneself.
- Creating boundaries is essential to empowering oneself and transforming relationships with others.
- True friendships provide support and accountability, helping us to live our courageous destiny.
- Emotional healing often involves recognizing our past and choosing to love ourselves genuinely.
- Coaching and guidance can be valuable in navigating personal growth and self-discovery.
- Empowering oneself means understanding that we have the ability to change our narratives.
About Katarzyna Kaminska:
Katarzyna is passionate about evolving into the purest loving authentic version of herself. Katarzyna courageously took on her own self development and after working with several expert guides and thousands of hours of personal time and investment. She is a self-love advocate, breaker of chains making sure her generational trauma ends with her. Katarzyna is an inspiration to her son and an integral Realtor for her clients guiding with excellence and masterful expertise.
Transcript
Hello everyone and welcome to the courageous destiny build a business and life you love podcast.
Kristen:And today after many years of dear, dear, dear honored soul friendship, I have Katarjna Kaminska on my show.
Kristen:And I'm so honored and elated to have her on my show.
Kristen:Katarjana is a mom, premier realtor and self love advocate and I really want to honor her today because one of the things that I really wanted Katarjana to come on here and share is her journey with self love.
Kristen:She has broken so many cycles, family cycles, relationship cycles, money cycles.
Kristen:And the way was through loving herself more and more and more.
Kristen:Katarjna, welcome to my show.
Katarjna Kaminska:Hi Kristen.
Katarjna Kaminska:I am so excited to be here.
Katarjna Kaminska:Thank you so much for having me.
Kristen:Of course, of course.
Kristen:You know, I know that we met about 10 years ago, something like that.
Kristen:It was curriculum.
Kristen:Yeah.
Kristen:At a curriculum for living seminar.
Kristen:And I just never forget seeing you for the first time and just knowing I'm like, wow, she really has her stuff together.
Kristen:She is such a beautiful woman.
Kristen:You know she had you guys if you, you can't see her right now but she has the most glorious pure angelic blue eyes that I've ever seen.
Kristen:And I remember seeing her for the first time and I'm like, who is that?
Kristen:And of course we became friends over time and the universe kept putting us together, so.
Katarjna Kaminska:It did.
Katarjna Kaminska:I had a similar, similar, oh my gosh, very similar experience seeing you, Kristin.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes, I remember you were sitting in the corner and all I could see is just bright light like shining and my eyes were like drawn to, to you.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yeah.
Kristen:And that's what you know, I have so many people that come to me and part of their courageous destiny is to find friendships and tribe and people that, that are like minded to them so that they can have a support system to live their courageous destiny.
Kristen:Courageous destiny, simply put, for those of you are new listeners is everything you want in life and to have that tribe and you've been that for me and we've been that for each other.
Kristen:And we have come that we have stood the test of time honored, shared with each other the truth.
Kristen:You guys know those hard truths that you share with each other.
Kristen:You know the days when you really want to go just pity me.
Kristen:No, we don't pity each other.
Kristen:We show each other how powerful we are and it has really just been such an amazing honor to, to have this kind of friendship.
Katarjna Kaminska:So in my self love journey, something that has been very important to me that I've learned over time and that you've been for me is.
Katarjna Kaminska:And I know I've been for you is authenticity and honesty.
Kristen:Yeah, right.
Katarjna Kaminska:Did.
Katarjna Kaminska:We had time.
Katarjna Kaminska:We had converse.
Katarjna Kaminska:There were times where we had conversations where we allowed each other to vent.
Katarjna Kaminska:But then after that, we were very honest with each other about, like, where.
Katarjna Kaminska:Where.
Katarjna Kaminska:Where is.
Katarjna Kaminska:Where are you going to take responsibility for whatever happened?
Katarjna Kaminska:What work do you need to do?
Katarjna Kaminska:And instead of going into the victim mode, like you said, we would empower each other to take our power back.
Katarjna Kaminska:Take our power back and then act from that power versus from the victim mode.
Kristen:Yes.
Katarjna Kaminska:Something that I wanted to share is that I came from a family of victims, and it's been so challenging for me to take my power back to empower myself.
Katarjna Kaminska:And obviously, I couldn't do it alone.
Katarjna Kaminska:But a very pivoting, very pivoting, important thing is to be in your power, because if.
Kristen:Let's explain what that is for people so they know.
Kristen:Because people who are listening to you haven't been on our journey.
Katarjna Kaminska:That's true.
Katarjna Kaminska:That's true.
Kristen:And they might be hearing the word victim and going, well, I'll be.
Kristen:I can't believe she would call her family victim.
Kristen:Right.
Kristen:And it's.
Kristen:It's not.
Kristen:I want to share that.
Kristen:Victim is, very simply put, a lack of power to take action and create in your life.
Kristen:It isn't necessarily have.
Kristen:Have to have a really bad connotation, but to know when you've empowered yourself and when you haven't.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Katarjna Kaminska:So I can give an example, right?
Kristen:Yes.
Katarjna Kaminska:Okay.
Katarjna Kaminska:Do you want me to give an example?
Katarjna Kaminska:So an example, what you're.
Katarjna Kaminska:When you're being a victim, like, for me, a lot of the times I can give an example with my mom.
Katarjna Kaminska:My mom was the most challenging relationship that I had.
Katarjna Kaminska:And something that I learned early on is the relationship that you have with your parents and yourself does reflect all the other relationships.
Katarjna Kaminska:Ooh.
Katarjna Kaminska:So, yeah.
Katarjna Kaminska:So something that.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like, if my mom would say something or, you know, trigger me or piss me off or hurt me or say something that bothered me when I was in my victim, I would call my friends and I would complain about her, and I would say, my mom this.
Katarjna Kaminska:My mom that.
Katarjna Kaminska:She's like this.
Katarjna Kaminska:She's like this.
Katarjna Kaminska:But then to take your power back, it means to.
Katarjna Kaminska:It means to then look at yourself and say, like, oh, wow, why did my mom say this to me?
Katarjna Kaminska:What in me?
Katarjna Kaminska:Or like, what am I doing or not doing?
Katarjna Kaminska:What boundaries am I creating or not creating with my mom in this instance, that is allowing her to say These things to me or act this way with me, because later on, what I've learned is that sometimes I would need to create boundaries and say something.
Katarjna Kaminska:But sometimes times, if I made a decision, like, no one gets to talk to me that way, or no one speaks hurtfully to me.
Katarjna Kaminska:And when I, when I emanated that energy, when I made that decision, that courageous decision, like, no, you're not going to talk to me that way.
Katarjna Kaminska:No one talks to me that way.
Katarjna Kaminska:I deserve to be loved.
Katarjna Kaminska:I deserve to be spoken to with love.
Katarjna Kaminska:Not even deserve.
Katarjna Kaminska:It is my birthright because we come here to be loved.
Katarjna Kaminska:It is my birthright.
Katarjna Kaminska:And.
Katarjna Kaminska:And then what, what starts happening is people then talk to you differently.
Katarjna Kaminska:When you own that energy, are you, Are you gonna be.
Katarjna Kaminska:Are you gonna have to sometimes create boundaries more than once?
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Katarjna Kaminska:Is life going to test you?
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Katarjna Kaminska:Is life going to test you with different people?
Katarjna Kaminska:It can.
Katarjna Kaminska:It depends on how strong your decision is and energy you emanate.
Katarjna Kaminska:Does that make sense?
Kristen:I think that makes really good sense.
Kristen:And let's just pull apart a few pieces for the listeners because I always think it helps to hear in a little, you know, in, in a little different way too.
Kristen:So when you're being power, let's look at victim is the same as like being powerless.
Kristen:Right.
Kristen:When we're complaining, when we're doing things that aren't helpful to the situation, you know, when you complain to somebody else, you're just bringing it more into the world.
Kristen:You get what you think about.
Kristen:You get what you focus on.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Kristen:So if you're, if you're complaining, you're actually creating the very thing that you don't like in that person.
Kristen:And then when you go to talk to that person again, you attract more of that.
Kristen:Yeah, you attract more of that.
Kristen:And then over time, your relationship just, it has that energy about it.
Kristen:It has that kind of, you know, that.
Kristen:That complaining kind of defeatist sort of energy about it.
Kristen:Versus if you take a look inward at yourself and go, how.
Kristen:What am I doing to attract it?
Kristen:You can start breaking the cycles of how people treat you by taking ownership for, for that.
Kristen:For certain things that you're doing that aren't expanding.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Kristen:That aren't expanding that relationship.
Katarjna Kaminska:And I wanted to add something to that because sometimes, even though you do the inner work and you change and you shift.
Katarjna Kaminska:There's two things I wanted to say.
Katarjna Kaminska:One of the things is people won't always shift with you.
Katarjna Kaminska:Some.
Katarjna Kaminska:Sometimes you do need to walk away from them.
Kristen:I always love, love them and Set them free.
Kristen:And if they're love them and set them free, they'll come back.
Katarjna Kaminska:So there's three things.
Katarjna Kaminska:So the second thing would be be grateful for the lessons that they taught you, because I do see it as a gift.
Katarjna Kaminska:If that person wasn't acting that way towards you, you wouldn't have the opportunity to evolve, change, love yourself harder, create boundaries and learn that lesson.
Katarjna Kaminska:Because life is all about learning lessons.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right.
Katarjna Kaminska:And then the third thing, I forgot what, the third thing.
Kristen:Well, I think those are.
Kristen:Yeah, I think those are two powerful things.
Kristen:And I.
Kristen:I would say.
Kristen:I would say one of the things that I have seen you do, though, you didn't know how to create love for yourself.
Kristen:Right?
Kristen:Love yourself harder.
Kristen:What does that mean?
Kristen:Right.
Kristen:What does that even mean?
Kristen:You had to discover ways to do it.
Kristen:You knew that there.
Kristen:That this was something that you wanted to do, that you wanted to transform the way you spoke to yourself, that you wanted to transform the way that you honored yourself, that you.
Kristen:That you.
Kristen:That your perspective of yourself was more loving.
Kristen:Because when we learn how to not be loving in certain relationships and our core relationships in our life, well, guess where that also translates to.
Kristen:That translates to how we feel about ourselves.
Kristen:That translates to how we treat ourselves.
Kristen:And then to break those cycles is to learn how to love ourselves and.
Kristen:And to break through and start treating ourselves differently than maybe we learned how to our whole life.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Katarjna Kaminska:So the way that our parents, mom, dad, like the closest relatives, grandma, grandpa, brother, sister, treat us does then set the tone for the way we talk to ourselves?
Kristen:Yes.
Katarjna Kaminska:If.
Katarjna Kaminska:If you were talked down to like I was, and I wasn't even aware growing up that I was growing up in a dysfunctional family until I hired a coach.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like, I didn't know how.
Katarjna Kaminska:But something that I did do is I always asked at the time, I was like, God, can you please show me the way?
Katarjna Kaminska:And the right person would show up, because just had the intention that I wanted.
Katarjna Kaminska:I knew inside of me that something better was possible.
Katarjna Kaminska:I didn't know how, but I.
Katarjna Kaminska:My desire was so strong that it attracted the right people to me.
Katarjna Kaminska:I didn't even have to go looking far.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like, in the beginning, I remember I was 30 years old and I said to myself 10 years ago, I'm like, this is enough.
Katarjna Kaminska:I'm done living like this.
Katarjna Kaminska:There has to be something different.
Katarjna Kaminska:How do I do it?
Katarjna Kaminska:Show me.
Katarjna Kaminska:And then the person that invited me to be a realtor, she also invited me to the Landmark Forum, Right.
Katarjna Kaminska:And then from there, I met You.
Katarjna Kaminska:And then from there, we had another coach.
Katarjna Kaminska:And then through that coach, I met my next coach.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right?
Katarjna Kaminska:My.
Katarjna Kaminska:My coach, guide.
Katarjna Kaminska:And then from there, we now also are in the same program that we evolve together.
Katarjna Kaminska:So it's.
Katarjna Kaminska:It's.
Katarjna Kaminska:You know, sometimes we think we have to have it figured out.
Katarjna Kaminska:We don't.
Katarjna Kaminska:We just have to have the intention and allow life to bring it to us.
Katarjna Kaminska:But going back to my point, it's like, you know, I didn't even know I was growing up in a dysfunctional family.
Kristen:You know, I really appreciate you saying that, because sometimes it takes.
Kristen:We're so used to the way things are that we don't.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Kristen:They could be a different way.
Katarjna Kaminska:Exactly.
Katarjna Kaminska:And something that I also, like.
Katarjna Kaminska:I was very guarded.
Katarjna Kaminska:I didn't understand why my heart was so closed off to people.
Katarjna Kaminska:I had a bunch of friends.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like, I never.
Katarjna Kaminska:I never was close to.
Katarjna Kaminska:Close enough to be the real authentic me, to share my pain, to share myself.
Katarjna Kaminska:Until in one of the very first programs we were in together, a friend said to me, like, you know, I've known you for two years, but I really don't know you.
Katarjna Kaminska:And when he said it to me, I'm like, what do you mean, you don't know me?
Katarjna Kaminska:And then I started pondering on it because I'm like, what does that mean?
Katarjna Kaminska:And I was even too afraid to ask him, because I'm like, I'm afraid of what he's gonna say.
Katarjna Kaminska:I've been talked down to, you know, by my mom, by, you know, the closest people to me.
Katarjna Kaminska:So I was afraid that if I ask someone, they're gonna, you know, talk down to me.
Katarjna Kaminska:And because I was talked down to by the person that I trusted the most.
Katarjna Kaminska:I had this huge, huge, huge barbed wire around my heart.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like, I'm never gonna love anyone that much, because when you love someone that much, guess what they do?
Katarjna Kaminska:They hurt you.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right?
Katarjna Kaminska:But what he said.
Katarjna Kaminska:When he said that to me, I started pondering because I felt very alone and very disconnected and disconnected.
Katarjna Kaminska:What I mean by disconnected, it's like, al separate, not fitting in, not feeling like I'm related or seen or heard or understood.
Katarjna Kaminska:And.
Katarjna Kaminska:But.
Katarjna Kaminska:But by him saying it to me, I started going in and asking the questions like, well, what did he mean by that?
Katarjna Kaminska:And life brought me people that brought that out in me.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like, I remember we went to that woman's event, right?
Katarjna Kaminska:And I was told by one of my coaches is that I'm not connected to my emotions.
Katarjna Kaminska:I'm like, what do you mean?
Katarjna Kaminska:I'm not connected to my emotions.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right?
Kristen:Yeah.
Kristen:We don't even know.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Kristen:I think that's the value of working on yourself, the value of having a coach.
Kristen:We don't know what we don't know.
Kristen:We can't see what we can't see.
Kristen:You know, it's our blind spots.
Kristen:One thing I want to do real quick too, I'm going to backtrack just a little bit because I want to make sure that our listeners understand one thing, hopefully.
Kristen:Okay, Absolutely.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yeah.
Katarjna Kaminska:And if they don't, they can always reach out to us.
Katarjna Kaminska:We can always share, right?
Kristen:Oh, for sure, for sure.
Kristen:But first of all, I want to say I know you have an incredibly fam f.
Kristen:Incredibly strong family bonds.
Kristen:Right.
Kristen:And you do love your family and that's one of the reasons why you work so hard on yourself is you wanted to have more freedom in that love with your family.
Kristen:And don't you think that one of the things that we.
Kristen:We start to do, the more we start to take the journey of loving ourselves, that we start to understand that even though we learned from our parents, they learned from their parents, they learned from their parents and start to create an.
Kristen:A sort of empathy for them.
Kristen:And in that empathy opens up the door for us to go, well, maybe it's okay for me to work on me.
Kristen:And that's how.
Kristen:Absolutely the cycle and that's how I can take responsibility.
Katarjna Kaminska:And what you're saying, it's one of the things that empowered me because for a long time I thought there was something wrong with me.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like I'm not lovable, I'm not enough.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like, if my mom can't love me enough to love me the way that I need to be loved, then what's wrong with me?
Katarjna Kaminska:Right?
Katarjna Kaminska:Like, there was a point in my life where I thought to myself, like, why am I even here?
Katarjna Kaminska:Should I even be here?
Katarjna Kaminska:Right.
Katarjna Kaminska:And I know a lot of people have those thoughts, but in what you said, it's called generational trauma.
Katarjna Kaminska:Cycle after cycle after cycle after cycle.
Katarjna Kaminska:And what I've also learned is that, you know, when I understood that we come here to learn lessons, when I understood, you can believe it or not, but when I understood that we choose our parents for the lessons that we need to learn.
Katarjna Kaminska:And then I also learned that I chose those lessons to break those cycles.
Kristen:Yes.
Katarjna Kaminska:And something that helped me also is like I had clarity.
Katarjna Kaminska:You said I have strong bonds with my family.
Katarjna Kaminska:But something that I was very clear on is like, yes, I'm a mom, I have a 15 year old son.
Katarjna Kaminska:Something that I was very clear on is that I was not going to have the same relationship with my son that I have with my mom.
Katarjna Kaminska:That my son was going to be loved, that he was going to not only know but feel that he's loved.
Katarjna Kaminska:Number two, Yes, I am divorced and something that my parents fought all the time and it was detrimental to me.
Katarjna Kaminska:It was, it was toxic.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right.
Katarjna Kaminska:So.
Katarjna Kaminska:And I'm not blaming them, but you know, inside of seeing that and knowing that that's another cycle I need to like, not need to, but I'm choosing powerfully to break is I created an intention that I was going to have a loving, respectful, co parenting partnership with my ex husband.
Katarjna Kaminska:And let me tell you guys, it's possible that I have to do things that I didn't want to do.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Katarjna Kaminska:That I get coaching from my coaches that I, I'm like, I'm not doing that.
Katarjna Kaminska:They're like, okay, you can either not do it or have the relationship that you want.
Katarjna Kaminska:So I did listen, I did take those actions.
Katarjna Kaminska:Was it easy?
Katarjna Kaminska:No.
Katarjna Kaminska:Was I afraid?
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Katarjna Kaminska:But what was guiding me, like my courage was the intention.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like my, like you're saying that out of rage.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like my heart, my heart was like, there is no way.
Katarjna Kaminska:You're not doing it.
Katarjna Kaminska:You're breaking those cycles.
Katarjna Kaminska:You, your soul is on fire with your son feeling loved.
Katarjna Kaminska:Your soul is on fire with having a, a loving relationship with your ex husband, which I do have.
Katarjna Kaminska:Then another thing that I started working on that I was really committed to, which, you know, is my relationship with my sister.
Kristen:Yeah.
Katarjna Kaminska:Was it fun and easy?
Katarjna Kaminska:No, it was fun and then it was messy and then there was crying and then there was being mad at each other.
Katarjna Kaminska:But I can honestly say that, like, I can call my sister and out of my heart I want to cry.
Katarjna Kaminska:I'm.
Katarjna Kaminska:I.
Katarjna Kaminska:My sister had a baby two and a half months ago.
Katarjna Kaminska:And you know, for knowing that she trusted me to be there and take care of her and the baby, for her to feel the love that I have for her and vice versa, it's like the greatest gift.
Kristen:I.
Kristen:Oh my gosh.
Kristen:I love you and your sister together.
Kristen:It is such a beautiful thing.
Kristen:It is such a beautiful.
Kristen:Because what.
Kristen:What I see.
Kristen:So I'm an outsider and I've had the honor of, of experiencing you and your family.
Kristen:It's at a few events, you know, not like all the time or anything, but I see that the ways that you showed love, you did show love in different ways, like through really great cooking.
Kristen:Right.
Kristen:The Way both of your homes smell, you guys, Their homes smell like homes.
Kristen:Like loving homes.
Kristen:You know, it.
Kristen:The way that you, you know, that.
Kristen:That love has come out is really extraordinary.
Kristen:And I think that what happens is that we learn.
Kristen:We don't necessarily learn how to love.
Katarjna Kaminska:Each other, and we learn that love is conditional.
Kristen:Yeah, we learn that love is conditional.
Katarjna Kaminska:Because that's what we're.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yeah, yeah.
Kristen:We learn that love is conditional.
Kristen:We.
Kristen:We might not have had an example of love in our lives or the love that we were shown isn't showing up to us like love.
Kristen:You know, it could be showing up to us like, well, other families.
Kristen:Like, we always have that comparison thing.
Kristen:Right.
Kristen:Well, I remember seeing, you know, I, I did.
Kristen:I did.
Kristen:I can say that I had a different experience.
Kristen:My mom was very loving, you know, like through touch you.
Kristen:We cuddled and, you know, some of those types of things, you know, and we had our own, you know, different, different generational bonds to.
Kristen:With worry and with other things to break.
Kristen:But we, we sometimes the love.
Kristen:Sometimes we need to figure out what love actually means to us and how we want to experience love and what that would look like in our lives.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Kristen:And if the people in our lives didn't know love that way, then we also get the opportunity to have conversations and communicate and in some ways train the people that we love on how to love us.
Kristen:Because you don't know.
Katarjna Kaminska:I agree.
Kristen:You know, but one.
Katarjna Kaminska:I agree.
Katarjna Kaminska:And that's.
Katarjna Kaminska:And that's all in taking responsibility not only for yourself, but everyone else in your life that you choose powerfully to have in your life.
Kristen:Yes.
Kristen:Yes.
Kristen:And it is a choice.
Kristen:You don't have to have people in your life that break your boundaries and make you feel bad.
Katarjna Kaminska:No.
Kristen:And you don't have to have a big shindig about letting them go either.
Katarjna Kaminska:And let me tell you guys, no one has it figured out.
Katarjna Kaminska:We're all figuring it out as we go.
Katarjna Kaminska:And no one has the answers.
Katarjna Kaminska:The answers are within you.
Katarjna Kaminska:Something very, very powerful for me to discover is, yes, I had different coaches.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes, they guided me.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes, they taught me a lot.
Katarjna Kaminska:I put a lot of them on a pedal stool.
Katarjna Kaminska:And I remember one person told me, well, put yourself on a pedal stool.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right?
Katarjna Kaminska:Like, if you're going to worship anyone, worship yourself.
Katarjna Kaminska:But something.
Katarjna Kaminska:It is really simple figuring out love because you are love.
Katarjna Kaminska:You are love.
Katarjna Kaminska:I am love.
Katarjna Kaminska:We are all love.
Katarjna Kaminska:Babies are not conceived.
Katarjna Kaminska:Babies are only conceived out of love.
Katarjna Kaminska:So if you have the belief like I did, I'm not wanted or you know, whatever your story is, I remember.
Katarjna Kaminska:I remember thinking I'm not wanted.
Katarjna Kaminska:And then my cousin suggested that I ask my parents how they had me, right?
Katarjna Kaminska:And something that I learned is that my mom.
Katarjna Kaminska:Actually, it took her.
Katarjna Kaminska:It took my parents two years to get pregnant with me.
Katarjna Kaminska:So I was very wanted, right?
Katarjna Kaminska:And love is a feeling, so, you know, inside of you.
Katarjna Kaminska:It is very.
Katarjna Kaminska:What I'm trying to say is that no one has the answer.
Katarjna Kaminska:You have the answer.
Katarjna Kaminska:And when you close your eyes, whether you meditate or not, if you close your eyes and you just sit quietly and you listen to your heart, not your brain, because your brain is going to go.
Katarjna Kaminska:You can't shut your brain.
Katarjna Kaminska:Your brain is always going to be there.
Katarjna Kaminska:But what you can do is you can practice leaning and listening and just going into your heart.
Katarjna Kaminska:And it's just by practice, you know, you just gotta sit quiet, Close your eyes for me.
Katarjna Kaminska:My favorite thing to do is to sit in the dark, maybe some candles.
Katarjna Kaminska:No one home.
Katarjna Kaminska:Just me.
Katarjna Kaminska:And just listen to my heart.
Katarjna Kaminska:And your heart knows all the answers.
Katarjna Kaminska:It knows how you want to be loved.
Katarjna Kaminska:It knows how you want to be treated.
Katarjna Kaminska:You already know.
Katarjna Kaminska:You already have all the answers within you.
Kristen:That's right.
Kristen:That's right.
Kristen:And by the way, I think.
Kristen:Getting to.
Kristen:I think one of the first steps when you are creating a relationship with yourself, right?
Kristen:Recreate.
Kristen:Recreating a.
Katarjna Kaminska:Recreating.
Kristen:Recreating a conscious relationship with yourself.
Kristen:I'm going to say conscious because we have to remember that 95% of the way that we think.
Kristen:I say this almost every episode.
Kristen:95% of the way that you think is just automatic, right?
Kristen:It's stroking our unconscious mind.
Kristen:It's our programming.
Kristen:It's what we learned about who we are and the way the world works from our parents, right?
Kristen:All of those different types of things.
Kristen:But our consciousness, that 5%, can always, and I do mean always, override the unconscious thoughts and behavior.
Kristen:But you have to know that it's a thing.
Kristen:You have to have the awareness to know that that's actually a thing.
Kristen:And so this is about consciously creating love for yourself, because what's automatic is what's already programmed there, okay?
Kristen:So one of the ways that you can.
Kristen:You know, I think starting is.
Kristen:Is truly through creating that observer, like Katarjana was just saying, right?
Kristen:Creating the observer in a dark room, finding your heart, right?
Kristen:Growing into your heart, like seeing what your heart is saying, you know, how do I know that it's coming from my heart?
Kristen:Everything feels like love.
Kristen:Everything feels Great.
Kristen:And, you know, sometimes I'll get a little tear in my eye and.
Kristen:And I'll know that that's how I'm connected.
Kristen:It may feel differently for other people, but if you think about that, that, like, one of the ways that I like to connect to my heart, to know what it feels like, my heart feels like, is to go to a memory that.
Kristen:Nothing like it was just a completely heart experience memory for me.
Kristen:I go to when my triplets, I first found out that I had three heartbeats that very day where.
Kristen:Where I found the three heartbeats.
Kristen:I had been through seven years of infertility, and I had been through miscarriages and the whole nine yards.
Kristen:And this was kind of like our last try.
Kristen:And I was on my way in, in my mind and through actual physical paperwork on my way to China to adopt a daughter from China.
Kristen:And the.
Kristen:After a very long road in a final IVF cycle, I heard baby A, kadunkadunkadunkadunkadunk, Baby B, kadunkadunkadunkadunkadunk, Baby C, who we thought was not viable in a previous ultrasound.
Kristen:And I.
Kristen:My heart ripped wide open and love poured out of me like you would not believe.
Kristen:I have never been so full of love and excitement and wonder and fear and all of it in my whole life.
Kristen:But when I think about that now, I can take a snapshot of the feeling, Right.
Kristen:I can take a snapshot of that feeling.
Kristen:So if I decide to go into a dark room and think about that, I'm going to tune into my heart and then I can start to grow it from that seed and grow.
Kristen:Like, what would it be like if I thought of myself and I generated that feeling?
Katarjna Kaminska:Yeah.
Katarjna Kaminska:What is a moment that you felt the most?
Katarjna Kaminska:Love.
Kristen:Yes.
Kristen:Yeah.
Katarjna Kaminska:Connect to that.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yeah, I love that.
Kristen:Yeah.
Kristen:What if I went into the mirror and instead of going, oh, my gosh, you got a zit here and, oh, my God, there's a wrinkle here and a roll here.
Kristen:Right.
Kristen:What about if I looked in the mirror and go, oh, my gosh, I love your eyes.
Kristen:I love how you get up every day.
Kristen:And you want to help people live their courageous destiny, right?
Katarjna Kaminska:Yeah.
Katarjna Kaminska:Acknowledge yourself versus talk down to yourself.
Katarjna Kaminska:Because I know it's not only me.
Katarjna Kaminska:I know a lot of us, majority of us, do that, something that I've done.
Katarjna Kaminska:And.
Katarjna Kaminska:And I'm not talking about connecting to the heart.
Katarjna Kaminska:One thing you can do also on top of what you said, connecting to your heart, you can connect to loving your animal.
Katarjna Kaminska:You can Connect to loving your plant.
Katarjna Kaminska:You can connect to whatever you love because you.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yeah, because you do love.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right?
Katarjna Kaminska:So that's one thing.
Katarjna Kaminska:And something about me, how I practiced conscious internal conversations for myself is like, I thought about what don't I like about myself.
Katarjna Kaminska:And it was my hair, and then it was my nose, right?
Katarjna Kaminska:And then it was like, my belly.
Katarjna Kaminska:And then I started saying to my hair, like, oh, my God.
Katarjna Kaminska:You know, you're.
Katarjna Kaminska:Wow, you're beautiful.
Katarjna Kaminska:You're so thick.
Katarjna Kaminska:You are growing.
Katarjna Kaminska:I am.
Katarjna Kaminska:I just.
Katarjna Kaminska:And I.
Katarjna Kaminska:But it wasn't just saying it.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like, I was feeling that love.
Katarjna Kaminska:And something someone told me recently is that I have a lot of baby hair.
Katarjna Kaminska:So, you guys, your body's listening.
Katarjna Kaminska:Your organs are listening.
Katarjna Kaminska:If.
Katarjna Kaminska:If you weren't loved the way you wanted to be loved, listen, that was a lesson for you to learn to take your power back.
Katarjna Kaminska:You can consciously take your power back and change it.
Katarjna Kaminska:You can.
Katarjna Kaminska:You can.
Katarjna Kaminska:You.
Katarjna Kaminska:You, as you know, us coming to save you.
Katarjna Kaminska:There is no prince on a white horse.
Katarjna Kaminska:Trust me, I've been there.
Katarjna Kaminska:I've done that many times that someone's saving me.
Katarjna Kaminska:No one's coming to save you.
Katarjna Kaminska:You, your own savior.
Katarjna Kaminska:So listen, make a conscious decision that you are going to courageously, out of the heart, freaking love yourself.
Katarjna Kaminska:You can write down all the things you don't like about yourself, which is a beginning, Right.
Katarjna Kaminska:And start changing that.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like, I would start looking at my nose, and I'd be like, oh, my God, you're so.
Katarjna Kaminska:You're thin.
Katarjna Kaminska:Wow, my nose really matches my face.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right?
Katarjna Kaminska:And I remember the first time I was walking and I saw my reflection, and for the first time, I saw it was attractive.
Katarjna Kaminska:I was like, yay, your body listens.
Kristen:Amen.
Kristen:You know, you can rep.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Katarjna Kaminska:And you can reprogram yourself.
Kristen:Yes.
Katarjna Kaminska:You were programmed one way.
Katarjna Kaminska:You can reprogram everything consciously.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Kristen:With that 5%.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Katarjna Kaminska:You can consciously reprogram yourself with the 5% of your conscious brain.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Kristen:And when you reprogram yourself and you practice these things, you will become.
Kristen:It will become habit.
Katarjna Kaminska:Yes.
Kristen:And once it becomes habit, now it's physiological now in your unconscious mind.
Kristen:And now all of a sudden, instead of looking in the mirror and going, oh, right, you'll look in the mirror one day, and you're like, oh, my God, look at that sexy, beautiful woman in there.
Katarjna Kaminska:And then inhabit.
Kristen:And that's the.
Kristen:That's the default.
Kristen:Instead of the default being not honoring ourselves.
Kristen:Instead of the default being not loving ourselves.
Katarjna Kaminska:Something that we haven't Been taught and told, and I know that this is out now more than ever, is that we are conscious creators.
Katarjna Kaminska:It doesn't matter what you were born to, who you were born to, what you went through.
Katarjna Kaminska:You can either complain about it or use it as fuel, turn it around and say, okay, this is what my generational family traumas are.
Katarjna Kaminska:This is why I'm here.
Katarjna Kaminska:This is what I'm here to break.
Katarjna Kaminska:And these are my intentions.
Katarjna Kaminska:And I'm going to be unstoppable, immovable in those areas.
Katarjna Kaminska:And that's something Kristen can help you with.
Katarjna Kaminska:I mean, she's never been my coach, but as my friend, she's coached me and she's.
Katarjna Kaminska:She's been honest with me and told me straight.
Katarjna Kaminska:I don't always see my own stuff.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right.
Katarjna Kaminska:We don't do.
Katarjna Kaminska:We don't see our blind spots.
Katarjna Kaminska:It's.
Katarjna Kaminska:It's called the unconscious mind for a reason.
Katarjna Kaminska:Right.
Katarjna Kaminska:You can hire her if you don't know how.
Katarjna Kaminska:First step is to choose.
Katarjna Kaminska:You choose yourself.
Katarjna Kaminska:Make the decision out of the heart.
Katarjna Kaminska:Courage.
Katarjna Kaminska:That.
Katarjna Kaminska:That said, it ends with you.
Katarjna Kaminska:And then you hire.
Katarjna Kaminska:Whether it's Kristen or someone else, you just hire someone for help, ask for help.
Katarjna Kaminska:Loving yourself is asking for help.
Katarjna Kaminska:I didn't just do this by myself.
Katarjna Kaminska:I didn't have it all figured out.
Katarjna Kaminska:I had help, and I still have someone guiding me.
Kristen:Yes, it helps to.
Kristen:No matter where you're evolving to.
Kristen:I think some people, first of all, thank you for that.
Kristen:That is amazing.
Kristen:And you've also coached me as well in our friendship and through these years.
Kristen:And it's been incredibly valuable to have a conscious friend that will help you see some of your blind spots, to have.
Kristen:You know, the thing about a coach is we are trained to not just see the blind spots, but.
Kristen:But also get over the things that, you know, sometimes when I have to deliver coaching to somebody, it's like taking an ice.
Kristen:An ice ball, like an ice snowball and throwing it right between the eyes.
Kristen:And I can't hold back because people hire me to show them their blind spots.
Kristen:I can't hold back.
Kristen:I can't be like, oh, maybe I shouldn't say that.
Kristen:That might hurt their feelings.
Kristen:No.
Kristen:And no, no, no.
Kristen:Like, we need to have those people in our lives to help identify us, but we also need to become willing and open to the idea that maybe we could think differently.
Kristen:Maybe we could take responsibility for loving ourselves.
Kristen:Maybe we take responsibility for some of these things to.
Kristen:And maybe things could be different.
Kristen:Sometimes those things that we know that's exactly what keeps us away from the things that we want.
Katarjna Kaminska:And it is our responsibility.
Katarjna Kaminska:Whether someone likes to hear it or not, it is.
Katarjna Kaminska:It's why you're here.
Katarjna Kaminska:You're here to take your power back.
Katarjna Kaminska:You're here to love yourself.
Katarjna Kaminska:You are here to break the cycle.
Katarjna Kaminska:You didn't just come here to.
Katarjna Kaminska:To listen.
Katarjna Kaminska:I'm just going to be really straight and honest with you guys.
Katarjna Kaminska:You didn't just come here to eat, to go to the bathroom, to drink, sometimes get drunk.
Katarjna Kaminska:You know, you didn't come here just today like you chose this lifetime to come here and evolve.
Katarjna Kaminska:Use it.
Katarjna Kaminska:Please use it.
Katarjna Kaminska:Time is flying fast.
Katarjna Kaminska:You can either sit in the victimhood or you can say, listen, I'm powerful or I'm going to show.
Katarjna Kaminska:I'm going to allow someone to guide me back to my power.
Katarjna Kaminska:If you don't know how, Kristen will show you.
Katarjna Kaminska:I can show you.
Katarjna Kaminska:Whoever aligns with your heart and soul, there are many amazing coaches out there.
Katarjna Kaminska:They will show you.
Katarjna Kaminska:Don't waste your lifetime.
Katarjna Kaminska:Take your power back.
Katarjna Kaminska:Love yourself.
Katarjna Kaminska:You can either go and spend the $20 on a drink or you can take that.
Katarjna Kaminska:Save it.
Katarjna Kaminska:I used to spend hundreds of dollars going out.
Katarjna Kaminska:I stopped.
Katarjna Kaminska:I used to get my nails done.
Katarjna Kaminska:I stopped.
Katarjna Kaminska:Not that I don't get them done now, but, you know, when I needed the money for something else, like, I chose to eat better.
Katarjna Kaminska:I chose to hire a coach.
Katarjna Kaminska:I didn't go out there and buy coffee.
Katarjna Kaminska:I didn't make someone else rich.
Katarjna Kaminska:I invested in myself.
Katarjna Kaminska:And listen, did I believe in myself?
Katarjna Kaminska:No.
Katarjna Kaminska:But I had my coaches over and over and over.
Katarjna Kaminska:Tell me who I am.
Katarjna Kaminska:Remember who the fuck you are.
Katarjna Kaminska:Then I bought a book that.
Katarjna Kaminska:By candace love that exactly talks about that.
Katarjna Kaminska:What is it?
Kristen:What is that book?
Katarjna Kaminska:It's remember who the fuck you are.
Katarjna Kaminska:Remember who the fuck you are by candace love.
Katarjna Kaminska:I didn't have the money for a coach, so I bought a.
Katarjna Kaminska:I think it was like $35.
Katarjna Kaminska:And it's a chapter a day and you do the work.
Katarjna Kaminska:And I just was so done and tired of living the life that I was living and I said, no more.
Katarjna Kaminska:No more.
Katarjna Kaminska:So again, you're here to learn lessons.
Katarjna Kaminska:You're here to break the generational cycles.
Katarjna Kaminska:Use it.
Katarjna Kaminska:Use it or lose it.
Katarjna Kaminska:Waste another lifetime and then come back and do it all over again because guess what?
Katarjna Kaminska:You're coming back.
Katarjna Kaminska:Wow.
Kristen:That had some heat on it.
Kristen:Thank you so much.
Kristen:All right.
Kristen:Well.
Katarjna Kaminska:Passionate.
Kristen:I know.
Kristen:And I.
Kristen:That's.
Kristen:I'm so glad we did this And I want to.
Kristen:I asked two people or excuse me, I asked two questions of.
Kristen:Of everybody who's a guest on my show.
Kristen:Katarina, what is the most courageous thing you've ever done?
Katarjna Kaminska:One courageous thing.
Katarjna Kaminska:I've done multiple.
Katarjna Kaminska:But I think the most courageous thing that I've done is to walk away from my marriage.
Katarjna Kaminska:To break the cycles.
Katarjna Kaminska:To break the cycles.
Katarjna Kaminska:And to make sure that.
Katarjna Kaminska:To make sure that my son has a different experience and sees his mom happy and honored and respected and he grows in love.
Katarjna Kaminska:My home is my sanctuary.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like you said, the way our home smell.
Katarjna Kaminska:My home is a safe space.
Kristen:Oh, it's so nice.
Kristen:It's so nice.
Kristen:Now one more question for you.
Katarjna Kaminska:Huh?
Kristen:What is the most courageous thing left on your bucket list to do?
Katarjna Kaminska:Oh my God, you're really gonna make me say this.
Katarjna Kaminska:You know, for me is to open my heart to someone and some single but to to by choice and to open my heart to someone and to allow someone in and have and create that loving family.
Kristen:Oh my gosh.
Kristen:I pray that for you and I know you'll thank you.
Kristen:I know you do it.
Kristen:And even if I've always honored and respect one of the things I love what you said.
Kristen:I'm single by choice and it doesn't feel like a missing.
Kristen:If you have so much love that you exude every day.
Kristen:Your house is so loving, you're successful, all of those things and I love that your example of that in the world and self love in the world.
Katarjna Kaminska:Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Katarjna Kaminska:I so appreciate the opportunity to be here and to share my truth and to inspire and empower and to light the light of love inside of every listener.
Kristen:Oh, thank you.
Kristen:With that.
Kristen:With that.
Kristen:If you guys want to contact Katarjna, if you want to reach out and you have questions about self love, please feel free to go to the comments section of this podcast or reach out to me at the courageous destiny initiative.
Kristen:You it won't be hard to find me.
Kristen:It won't be hard to find Katarjna.
Kristen:So go to the show notes.
Kristen:You'll have all the details.
Kristen:We'll put the who the fuck you are book.
Katarjna Kaminska:Remember who the fuck you are.
Kristen:Yes, yes.
Kristen:You know, some people, they don't have the money right now to hire a coach.
Kristen:And you know, you can still start.
Kristen:You can still start.
Kristen:You can still find a friend.
Kristen:I just want to share with you to whatever is in your heart, share it with somebody else.
Kristen:That connection will create a chain reaction and we'll have you finding the resources that you need.
Kristen:So create the intention and just share with somebody and you can start to grow that way, too.
Katarjna Kaminska:Here's what I can give our listeners.
Katarjna Kaminska:I can give three 30 minute calls to empower them.
Katarjna Kaminska:I don't do this, but I'm gonna do this.
Katarjna Kaminska:What a beautiful gift.
Katarjna Kaminska:If they want to call and just to be remembered for me to remind them who the fuck they are.
Katarjna Kaminska:Like I needed to be reminded.
Katarjna Kaminska:I have three spots, so first come, first served.
Kristen:Beautiful.
Kristen:Thank you so much.
Kristen:All right, everybody, until next time, remember to love yourself and live courageously.
