Healing Mother Wounds: Empowerment Insights from Kate Juozaitis
Kristin Crockett welcomes Kate Juozaitis, a clinical mental health therapist and women's empowerment coach, to share her journey of personal growth and professional evolution in a heartfelt conversation. Kate recounts her early experiences as a helper, starting with volunteering at the American Lung Association alongside her grandmother. Her path took a transformative turn when she became a firefighter and paramedic at just 17 years old, a decision triggered by a life-altering car accident. This pivotal moment instilled in her a profound sense of purpose: to help others while also healing herself along the way. The discussion delves into the critical concept of 'mother wounds,' a term that Kate uses to describe the deep-rooted issues many women face regarding their relationships with their mothers. Through her coaching, she aims to empower women to recognize and address these wounds, which often manifest as negative self-talk and diminished self-esteem. The conversation highlights how understanding these wounds can foster healing, self-acceptance, and the ability to love oneself without the burden of inherited fears or criticisms.
The episode further explores the theme of fear versus clarity. Kate shares her profound realization of how a traumatic experience stripped her of fear and brought clarity to her life path. This clarity, she explains, allows individuals to swat away fears like annoyances, focusing instead on their courageous destinies. Kristin and Kate emphasize the importance of self-awareness in the journey of self-love and healing, discussing how recognizing and reframing negative self-talk can significantly change one’s life trajectory. They encourage listeners to become observant of their inner dialogues, suggesting that the way one speaks to oneself can either empower or undermine one’s goals. Ultimately, they present a compelling case for the necessity of self-compassion and the active pursuit of understanding one’s purpose, inviting listeners to embark on their own journeys of courageous self-discovery.
Takeaways:
- The journey to self-love involves recognizing and changing negative self-talk patterns that limit our potential.
- Many women experience mother wounds, which can significantly impact their self-esteem and relationships.
- The commitment to personal growth and understanding one's purpose is essential for creating meaningful change.
- Clarity in one's life goals can diminish fear and empower individuals to take bold actions.
- Healthy relationships require vulnerability, open communication, and a willingness to grow together.
- Finding joy and peace in life often means learning to embrace change and discomfort.
About Kate Juozaitis:
Kate is a seasoned relationship and empowerment Clini-coach with over 20 years of experience in helping women gain clarity and make confident decisions whether at the crossroads of their relationships or in life. As the founder of Lift as You Climb Coaching (an homage to her first responder days, Kate blends her 20 years of therapeutic expertise into her coaching approach to guide women through their most intimate and complex challenges, whether revitalizing a current relationship or moving forward independently. Her mission is to empower women to take action quickly, fostering self-efficacy and personal growth, define their values clearly so they can live lives filled with confidence, happiness, unapologetic authenticity and fulfillment. She leaves no woman behind and wants them all to be the hero in their own stories.
Transcript
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the courageous destiny build a business and life you love podcast.
Kristen Crockett:I am your hostess, Kristen Crockett, and I am so elated to have Kate Uzaitis, clinical mental health therapist and coach, relationship and women's empowerment coach, to talk to me today and help all of you guys get some empowerment and, you know, realize that there might be a different way of looking at the things that you're looking at right now to help move us forward.
Kristen Crockett:Welcome, Kate.
Kristen Crockett:How are you doing?
Kate Uzaitis:I am great.
Kate Uzaitis:Thank you so much for having me.
Kate Uzaitis:Yay.
Kate Uzaitis:Wednesday, it's hump day.
Kristen Crockett:Oh, my goodness.
Kristen Crockett:I really want to get right into it and I would love for you to share your story with the audience and how you got into, you know, not just becoming a therapist, but what you're all about as a therapist and as a coach.
Kate Uzaitis:Well, that's.
Kate Uzaitis:I appreciate the opening into talking about the whole story.
Kristen Crockett:The whole story.
Kate Uzaitis:Who is the guy that hears the rest of the story?
Kate Uzaitis:I remember growing up listening to my grandparents radio and that was the.
Kate Uzaitis:The storyline.
Kristen Crockett:My gosh, Darian just played that the other day too.
Kristen Crockett:I know exactly what you're talk, talking and here's the rest of the story.
Kate Uzaitis:And we will date ourselves right now.
Kate Uzaitis:So honestly, I've been on a whole life's journey of just knowing and growing, and I would like to call it the flow of my life.
Kate Uzaitis:So young I started.
Kate Uzaitis:I always was a helper.
Kate Uzaitis:I was always a helper.
Kate Uzaitis:I started volunteering at a very young age for the American Lung association with my grandmother's stuffing envelopes.
Kate Uzaitis:I became a firefighter and a paramedic at 17 years old following a rollover car accident that should have taken my life.
Kate Uzaitis:And from there, I just knew that my goal, my purpose in life was to help other people.
Kate Uzaitis:And in that also through that journey, helping myself along the way.
Kate Uzaitis:So while I had grand plans of going to med school, that wasn't in the cards for me.
Kate Uzaitis:I was immediately declined and had to make a quick pivot.
Kate Uzaitis:So psychology is where I landed.
Kate Uzaitis:And truthfully, it's where I belonged.
Kristen Crockett:That's amazing.
Kristen Crockett:There's never any accidents, right?
Kate Uzaitis:No, no.
Kate Uzaitis:Well, I mean, there was a accident, but it wasn't necessary.
Kristen Crockett:In your case, there definitely was an accident, but it did guide you forward toward your.
Kristen Crockett:What you're, you know, what you're here.
Kate Uzaitis:To do with no fear, which is a very strange thing for me to say.
Kate Uzaitis:At 17 years old, when I signed the contract and said I was going to start training and educating in fire science, I did it with absolutely no fear.
Kristen Crockett:Did you have fear prior to that accident?
Kate Uzaitis:Yeah, tons.
Kate Uzaitis:I mean, I would tell you I was scared of a lot of things, but that moment, everything was very clear.
Kate Uzaitis:I knew exactly what I needed to do and I just stepped very honestly forward.
Kristen Crockett:You know, I love that you said that because as soon as that clarity comes, that clarity that you know you won't quit on that, you're so clear about your life.
Kristen Crockett:Fear is more like a mosquito.
Kristen Crockett:Sometimes it rises, you know, sometimes it's annoying and you can swat it away, but it doesn't stop you anymore.
Kristen Crockett:So I love you sharing that.
Kristen Crockett:It's.
Kate Uzaitis:It's also sometimes not our own and we have to learn to decipher the distinction between what is our stuff and other people's stuff.
Kate Uzaitis:Like a lot of fears I had growing up, really, they were my mom's stuff.
Kristen Crockett:Yes.
Kristen Crockett:You know, it's funny that you say that.
Kristen Crockett:Like, I remember when I was deciding, well, it wasn't really deciding, it was a decision to become a coach.
Kristen Crockett:And I remember telling my mother, and my mother was like, oh my gosh, where's your pension?
Kristen Crockett:How are you going to pay into Medicaid?
Kristen Crockett:Like, what's going to happen?
Kristen Crockett:You know, where's your, where's your insurance going to come from?
Kristen Crockett:Where's this going to come from?
Kristen Crockett:Where's that going to come from?
Kristen Crockett:And I, I'm like, I'm gonna, it's gonna come from.
Kristen Crockett:God's gonna have my back and I know it and I'm gonna figure all that stuff out.
Kristen Crockett:But in the meanwhile, it's not enough to let that fear stop me from doing what I'm, I'm put here to do.
Kate Uzaitis:Right?
Kate Uzaitis:Knowing your purpose.
Kristen Crockett:Knowing your purpose.
Kristen Crockett:Knowing your courageous destiny.
Kristen Crockett:Woohoo.
Kate Uzaitis:Yes.
Kristen Crockett:Give myself a plug.
Kristen Crockett:I'm gonna give myself a plug.
Kristen Crockett:So tell me about how, because you, you are a women's empowerment coach or a relationship coach, what are some of the, the biggest things you help people with?
Kate Uzaitis:So a very specific group of women that I like to work with are women with mother wounds.
Kristen Crockett:Okay.
Kate Uzaitis:We talk a lot about daddy issues, right?
Kate Uzaitis:And we don't talk about mother wounds.
Kate Uzaitis:And they are impactful, they're incredibly empower, powerful.
Kate Uzaitis:I shouldn't say empowering.
Kate Uzaitis:They're power taking and they, they dissolve women's self esteem and really create a foundation for negative self talk.
Kate Uzaitis:And we don't want to ever talk bad on moms because I mean, if you've ever been on the receiving end, you only have one mom.
Kate Uzaitis:You can't talk bad about her.
Kate Uzaitis:And it's like, yeah, but she also only has one of you.
Kate Uzaitis:And that's true too.
Kate Uzaitis:And regardless, like, moms can be great and they can be nurturing.
Kate Uzaitis:Not all moms are though, and that's a reality.
Kate Uzaitis:And we can't dismiss that because it's uncomfortable.
Kate Uzaitis:And.
Kate Uzaitis:And there are moms that become mothers when they're not ready to be moms.
Kate Uzaitis:There are moms that are under a lot of existing stress and so they don't have the time or the bandwidth to really be nurturing.
Kate Uzaitis:And in today's society, it's more true than ever.
Kate Uzaitis:Like, moms are really tired and they're exhausted.
Kate Uzaitis:We're not doing anything to help them outside of say you're really tired and exhausted, here's a foundation or a cream that's going to take care of the wrinkles that you have or the bag is under your eyes.
Kate Uzaitis:But we're not giving them the real help that they need.
Kate Uzaitis:And that filters down then to their children too.
Kate Uzaitis:That plays out then in so many aspects of their life.
Kristen Crockett:What is a common.
Kristen Crockett:I have an idea.
Kristen Crockett:But what is a common mother wound that you see?
Kate Uzaitis:Critical self talk.
Kristen Crockett:Critical self talk.
Kate Uzaitis:Yeah.
Kristen Crockett:Yes.
Kristen Crockett:You know, it's interesting.
Kristen Crockett:One of the things that I love my mom to death.
Kristen Crockett:Mom, if you're listening, I do love you.
Kristen Crockett:But you worry a lot.
Kristen Crockett:My mom worries a lot.
Kristen Crockett:She lives in a state of, of worry that creates anxiety.
Kristen Crockett:And I know that I had picked that up from her, sure, but that, but that self talk piece that you know, everything you know, you know, even with what I do, encourage destiny.
Kristen Crockett:If you want to know why you don't have something, become the observer of the way you're speaking to yourself.
Kristen Crockett:And you're your biggest salesperson.
Kate Uzaitis:I love that.
Kate Uzaitis:And there's psychology and statistics and everything around that that say 80% of the things that we think are negative.
Kate Uzaitis:And on top of that, there's a lack of a definition to understanding the difference between selfishness, selfless, and what ends up being in the between that most people don't know about, which is self love and that self compassion.
Kate Uzaitis:And it is positive self talk and knowing the difference between what's your voice and what are other people's voices.
Kate Uzaitis:And we vacillate between these two extremes and there's somewhere in between that we can land.
Kristen Crockett:I can't agree more.
Kristen Crockett:And I think that if anybody has ever gone down the journey of, of self love, right, to me, it's an area of life.
Kristen Crockett:It's an area of life.
Kristen Crockett:That it, you know, as far as I'm concerned for my personal right.
Kristen Crockett:Here's.
Kristen Crockett:Here's God.
Kristen Crockett:And then right under that is my self love.
Kristen Crockett:Right?
Kristen Crockett:And if I'm not loving myself, if I'm not honoring myself, then I'm that example for my kids.
Kristen Crockett:That's the example that I bring to the world.
Kristen Crockett:That's the example I bring for my kids, my clients, everybody.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:So it's critical that I'm working on that.
Kristen Crockett:And like you said, 80%.
Kristen Crockett:I love that statistic.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:80% is automatically negative.
Kristen Crockett:And I, you know, and the other part is 95% of the way that we think isn't necessarily conscious to us.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:We're on autopilot.
Kate Uzaitis:Right.
Kristen Crockett:That.
Kristen Crockett:That's our anatomy.
Kristen Crockett:So in order to bring something like additional self love or to help you impact that chatter in your mind, it's expanding awareness and putting your focus into creating into self love.
Kristen Crockett:So I love that you see that because I see that as well.
Kate Uzaitis:Yeah.
Kristen Crockett:And.
Kristen Crockett:Yes, please.
Kate Uzaitis:And rebuilding the neural pathways, right?
Kristen Crockett:Yes.
Kate Uzaitis:Like, because that becomes a big part of it.
Kate Uzaitis:What we don't recognize, like we're an addictive society.
Kate Uzaitis:Like everybody and nobody is.
Kate Uzaitis:Nobody is like, free of that.
Kate Uzaitis:We are all addicted to something and it could be good or bad, right?
Kate Uzaitis:Like everything.
Kate Uzaitis:It could be good or bad.
Kate Uzaitis:We become addicted to negative behavior.
Kate Uzaitis:And that's why it becomes automatic, because we're addicted to it.
Kate Uzaitis:I have, I have clients right now and I've asked them.
Kate Uzaitis:I was like, I want you to go 24 hours full, full on play full out, 24 hours.
Kate Uzaitis:And don't be critical and don't judge and see how you feel and see how you feel.
Kate Uzaitis:And I have.
Kate Uzaitis:They're hesitant.
Kate Uzaitis:They're like, well, why would I do that?
Kate Uzaitis:To see how it.
Kristen Crockett:Or they say, I don't judge.
Kristen Crockett:I'm not really doing that.
Kate Uzaitis:No, none of them, none of them say that.
Kristen Crockett:They all.
Kate Uzaitis:Okay, good.
Kristen Crockett:Here's too.
Kate Uzaitis:They all own it.
Kate Uzaitis:No, no, no, I do.
Kate Uzaitis:I absolutely judge.
Kate Uzaitis:And, and when asked, why do you do that?
Kate Uzaitis:What's the purpose?
Kate Uzaitis:How does it serve you?
Kristen Crockett:Right?
Kate Uzaitis:Because you have to understand that we have to do critical thinking.
Kate Uzaitis:I do it so people don't do it to me.
Kate Uzaitis:So I judge outside so people don't do it to me.
Kate Uzaitis:I'm like, that doesn't make any sense.
Kate Uzaitis:Say it out loud.
Kate Uzaitis:I'll say it back to you.
Kate Uzaitis:It's fine.
Kate Uzaitis:But it doesn't make any sense.
Kate Uzaitis:I create harm and discord and chaos in my life so that somebody Else doesn't do it to me.
Kate Uzaitis:No, you just did it to yourself, and it doesn't make any sense.
Kate Uzaitis:So if you stop the addiction, because that's what you're addicted to, you're addicted to the chaos.
Kate Uzaitis:If you stop that, Right.
Kate Uzaitis:And actively work against the natural inclination to do what you've always done, you will feel strange.
Kate Uzaitis:That's the first one I tell them it's going to feel weird.
Kate Uzaitis:You're going to be like, oh, outside.
Kristen Crockett:Of their comfort zone.
Kristen Crockett:And it's like being a toddler again.
Kate Uzaitis:Yes.
Kristen Crockett:Hey, go ahead and change the way you think today.
Kristen Crockett:Yeah, it's definitely like learning how to walk again, 100%.
Kate Uzaitis:And that's how we redirect the neural pathways to having a much better life.
Kristen Crockett:Yes, yes.
Kristen Crockett:Into.
Kristen Crockett:You know, one of the things I'm always sharing with my clients is in that process, as you're practicing new ways of thinking, new ways of action.
Kristen Crockett:Right?
Kristen Crockett:Because we want to align action to self love and align action to, you know, the ways that we think.
Kristen Crockett:You know, you can align action by creating, you know, those.
Kristen Crockett:I like to call them courageous destiny declarations.
Kristen Crockett:But it's like an acclaim, you know, it's like an affirmation, but more specific to whatever that chatter is in your mind.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:And the opposite, that would actually lead you forward toward the things that you want.
Kristen Crockett:And if you practice those enough, there's multiple ways to practice it.
Kristen Crockett:Over time, it becomes the new norm.
Kristen Crockett:And you train your unconscious mind to have that be the autopilot.
Kristen Crockett:That's when things get natural and instinctive, and you look around your life and you're like, oh, my gosh, this is easy, and this is easy now.
Kristen Crockett:And I don't even know where this popped out.
Kristen Crockett:And it's because you're retraining yourself and you're going down that journey.
Kristen Crockett:And, you know, I.
Kristen Crockett:I'm so glad that you brought that up because, like, going back to the analogy of a toddler learning how to walk, you know, if we're not going to tell him, hey, you know what?
Kristen Crockett:You just are no good at this.
Kristen Crockett:Why don't you quit?
Kate Uzaitis:You're gonna push them back down and be like, that's fine, stay there.
Kristen Crockett:Like, you don't need to ever learn.
Kate Uzaitis:I'll carry you for life.
Kristen Crockett:I'll carry for life.
Kristen Crockett:But it's.
Kristen Crockett:But if you give yourself the grace and allow yourself, like, recognize, like, hey, I'm relearning the way that I think, and that's a courageous thing to do, and that's okay.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:And I'm going to be fascinated when I see how many times that pops in.
Kristen Crockett:You know, the awfulizing.
Kristen Crockett:My awful, my awfulizations from day.
Kate Uzaitis:I like, I like that, I like that.
Kate Uzaitis:The awfulizations.
Kate Uzaitis:Yeah.
Kristen Crockett:Yes.
Kate Uzaitis:Yeah, it's.
Kate Uzaitis:I have a number of clients, I have them doing it.
Kate Uzaitis:So it'll be interesting.
Kate Uzaitis:They get a check in today, like, hey, how's that going?
Kate Uzaitis:It's like the whole, the whole world isn't always so bad.
Kate Uzaitis:I live in the same world you do and I don't see the same things.
Kate Uzaitis:And again, part of it is like I don't look for it.
Kristen Crockett:Yeah, yeah.
Kristen Crockett:You don't focus on it when whatever you folk am always saying.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:And I've learned it and it's a very difficult thing to learn.
Kristen Crockett:It's an easy thing to hear because we hear it, I feel like we hear it a lot now.
Kristen Crockett:But it could be the world that I'm in.
Kristen Crockett:You get what you think about.
Kristen Crockett:If you focus on it, it grows, you know, all of those different types of sayings and everybody's like, yeah, I know, I know, I know.
Kate Uzaitis:But put it to practice.
Kate Uzaitis:Put your money where your mind is.
Kristen Crockett:Exactly.
Kristen Crockett:It's not easy to do and it's.
Kristen Crockett:Well, it is easy to do once you commit to doing it.
Kristen Crockett:Yeah, you've got to commit to doing it.
Kristen Crockett:You've got to commit to changing your mindset.
Kristen Crockett:You've got to commit to going down the journey.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:That's where people self sabotage is because they get all tied up in the well, what if, don't worry about that.
Kate Uzaitis:You'll get there.
Kate Uzaitis:When you get there, you can create a pivot whenever you get to that.
Kate Uzaitis:What if you can't plan for them?
Kate Uzaitis:Just start the steps.
Kate Uzaitis:It's a baby step at a time and the next thing you know, you are running.
Kristen Crockett:It's so true.
Kristen Crockett:I remember when I was going to be a coach, you know, I decided to make the leap from corporate America and I was a sales executive for years and years and I remember talking to my mentor and I asked her, I said, okay, how long is this going to take me real, you know, be really straight with me.
Kristen Crockett:Like, how long is it going to take me to, you know, learn what I need to learn?
Kristen Crockett:Have clients be able to be paid and replace an income.
Kristen Crockett:You got to tell me how long it's going to take because if I don't know how long it's going to take, then I'm not going to be able to, to do this.
Kristen Crockett:And she's like, well, it's up to you.
Kristen Crockett:You know, it could take you a week, it could take you a year, it could take you 10 years.
Kristen Crockett:It could never happen.
Kristen Crockett:And it's your free will.
Kristen Crockett:And that always stuck with me.
Kristen Crockett:I'm my what if?
Kate Uzaitis:Yeah.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:We create the.
Kate Uzaitis:They're called upper limits.
Kate Uzaitis:They're upper limiting beliefs.
Kate Uzaitis:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:And.
Kate Uzaitis:And we create them.
Kate Uzaitis:Some of them are imposed upon us and we were taught them know through childhood, and we didn't know what they were.
Kate Uzaitis:And we.
Kate Uzaitis:Sometimes people still don't know what they are, and they're the things that we don't want to confront.
Kate Uzaitis:Because if I confront that, then what?
Kate Uzaitis:Well, I get two choices.
Kate Uzaitis:Ultimate happiness and joy.
Kate Uzaitis:Or I get to stay where I'm comfortable.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:And nobody wants.
Kate Uzaitis:I mean, they all say it.
Kate Uzaitis:I don't want to be where I'm comfortable because it's.
Kate Uzaitis:Truthfully, it's uncomfortable and nobody really wants to be there, but it's.
Kate Uzaitis:Sorry, it's effing easy.
Kate Uzaitis:That almost came completely out of my mouth.
Kristen Crockett:But it's okay.
Kate Uzaitis:Okay, good.
Kate Uzaitis:I'm real, and I'm real about it.
Kristen Crockett:I want you to be real.
Kristen Crockett:It's the Courageous Destiny podcast.
Kristen Crockett:Like, we could be real, but it is.
Kate Uzaitis:It's.
Kate Uzaitis:It's just easy, and that's what people lean into.
Kate Uzaitis:Easy does not mean happy.
Kate Uzaitis:Easy does not mean joy.
Kate Uzaitis:Actually, it's the antithesis of that.
Kate Uzaitis:Like, happy and joy comes from those breakthroughs.
Kate Uzaitis:It comes from making the.
Kate Uzaitis:The declaration.
Kate Uzaitis:I choose that.
Kate Uzaitis:And I'm not going to let anything stand in my way of getting there.
Kate Uzaitis:Including me?
Kristen Crockett:Yes.
Kristen Crockett:When people.
Kristen Crockett:People say to me, I'm unstoppable.
Kristen Crockett:I am creating myself as unstoppable.
Kristen Crockett:And I.
Kristen Crockett:I cheer them on, of course.
Kristen Crockett:You know, hell yes.
Kristen Crockett:But I understand what, what that means.
Kristen Crockett:You know, it's not just, I'm running a race, so I'm going to be unstoppable.
Kristen Crockett:Or I'm right.
Kristen Crockett:It means, like when you get a limit.
Kristen Crockett:Like when somebody says, I'm limitless, or, you know, that's that word.
Kristen Crockett:That's such a cool word.
Kate Uzaitis:Yeah.
Kristen Crockett:And I believe that people are limitless.
Kristen Crockett:And all it is is not letting the limits stop us from building and designing our lives the way we want them to be.
Kate Uzaitis:A life worth living.
Kristen Crockett:Exactly.
Kristen Crockett:Exactly.
Kristen Crockett:Or a courageous destiny.
Kristen Crockett:But it's so true.
Kristen Crockett:It's like.
Kristen Crockett:And it all.
Kristen Crockett:It all starts with that chatter in our mind.
Kristen Crockett:It all starts there because that's what's making our arms and our feet move.
Kate Uzaitis:Right?
Kate Uzaitis:Right.
Kristen Crockett:You know, I remember you had said something a little while back about joy, that people, they have a fear of the unknown.
Kristen Crockett:And if somebody doesn't know what it's like to be happy, or somebody doesn't know what it's like to feel joy, then they don't have a habit of feeling joy and they don't have a habit of feeling healthy or feeling happy.
Kristen Crockett:Even though that's what they want.
Kristen Crockett:They sabotage themselves because it's not, it's, it's very unfamiliar feeling to them.
Kate Uzaitis:So.
Kate Uzaitis:And there's a, there's research in psychology around that.
Kate Uzaitis:Tell me.
Kate Uzaitis:So because we've become a society where we shut down feelings, right?
Kate Uzaitis:They're.
Kate Uzaitis:They're meaningless, they're purposeless.
Kate Uzaitis:You're not allowed to feel that way.
Kate Uzaitis:Why?
Kate Uzaitis:Well, because it makes me uncomfortable or I don't know how to help you through that.
Kate Uzaitis:That's a parenting thing.
Kate Uzaitis:I don't know how to help you through that because maybe I'm not doing that right.
Kate Uzaitis:And now, now we've created a shame cycle.
Kate Uzaitis:And like, for kids, really, it's just really important to like, just co regulate with them.
Kate Uzaitis:They just want to know that you're not going to abandon them, that they get to have their feelings.
Kate Uzaitis:And it might be confusing to both of you.
Kate Uzaitis:Guess what?
Kate Uzaitis:That's okay.
Kate Uzaitis:So we started moving society away from recognizing our feelings are truthfully, intuition.
Kate Uzaitis:It's just information.
Kate Uzaitis:The information is purposeful to create pivots in our life.
Kate Uzaitis:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:You feel depressed.
Kate Uzaitis:Why?
Kate Uzaitis:Well, that means that something in your life is, is not in alignment, causes you discomfort.
Kate Uzaitis:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:It causes a feeling.
Kate Uzaitis:The feeling is information.
Kate Uzaitis:To do what?
Kate Uzaitis:Change.
Kate Uzaitis:Change isn't meant to be bad.
Kate Uzaitis:Change is purposeful.
Kate Uzaitis:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:But we have to.
Kristen Crockett:We're here to evolve.
Kristen Crockett:We're here to change.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:And learn and grow.
Kate Uzaitis:We're not meant to again, hit that upper limit and just be ordinary.
Kate Uzaitis:We're all meant to be extraordinary.
Kristen Crockett:Yes.
Kate Uzaitis:But when we put those limits right, we've created those rules of this is how it has to look and everything else.
Kate Uzaitis:Like we've now entered into our ego and just our head.
Kate Uzaitis:And we try to attack everything in life from an intellectual perspective.
Kate Uzaitis:We're not.
Kate Uzaitis:I mean, that's what makes the human being human and uniquely beautiful, is that we get both logic and feelings as well as an intuition to guide us.
Kristen Crockett:Absolutely.
Kristen Crockett:You know, I do a lot of work with people to open up their heart and to learn to hear what their heart is saying.
Kristen Crockett:Because to me, that's where my true self lies.
Kristen Crockett:That's where my authenticity Is.
Kristen Crockett:It's in my heart.
Kristen Crockett:It's not.
Kristen Crockett:It doesn't live in my head, but I need my heart.
Kristen Crockett:My head to stop closing off my heart.
Kate Uzaitis:Yes.
Kristen Crockett:So I can't tell you the psychology necessarily all around that, but I can tell you that if you're thinking in such a way that's disempowering to you, that you can't get what you want, that nobody loves you, that there's, you know, and you're thinking in a disempowering way, it closes off your heart, and that's.
Kristen Crockett:That's that kind of sadness and that, you know, that Des.
Kristen Crockett:You know, kind of that.
Kristen Crockett:That place where that's not how you necessarily.
Kristen Crockett:Or at least how I want to feel.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:But we do get a habit of feeling that way.
Kristen Crockett:But if we can get to the point where we really open up and practice loving and figure out what that looks like for us, because it's a journey for everybody.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:What opens up my heart might not open up your heart.
Kate Uzaitis:Right.
Kristen Crockett:But if I go down that journey to understand how I get that loving feeling, right, that heart opening, I can train my brain not to close it off.
Kate Uzaitis:Our.
Kate Uzaitis:Our heart's intention is to hurt and to heal.
Kate Uzaitis:I.
Kate Uzaitis:I mean, I do say it a lot.
Kristen Crockett:I'm.
Kate Uzaitis:I'm like, if you have not hurt, you have not loved nor lived.
Kristen Crockett:Yeah.
Kristen Crockett:You have to.
Kate Uzaitis:It's a contrast, but it is.
Kate Uzaitis:It is the part that hurts, but it is also the part that heals.
Kate Uzaitis:And it can do both.
Kate Uzaitis:Two things can exist in the same space, literally in this case, and we have to be open to both.
Kate Uzaitis:You have to be open to hurting.
Kate Uzaitis:That's living.
Kate Uzaitis:And you have to be open to healing.
Kate Uzaitis:That's loving.
Kristen Crockett:Absolutely.
Kristen Crockett:Absolutely.
Kristen Crockett:I remember when I was looking to.
Kristen Crockett:It was very hard to get a divorce.
Kristen Crockett:I know that everybody probably would say that.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:But it can be.
Kristen Crockett:It can be difficult to get a divorce.
Kristen Crockett:The decision can be difficult, especially if there's not a, you know, like a trauma that's associated, you know, so in my situation, there was no trauma.
Kristen Crockett:He wasn't a bad person.
Kristen Crockett:You know, we just weren't in love.
Kristen Crockett:We had evolved into a friendship over time.
Kristen Crockett:And I didn't want to get divorced because I didn't.
Kristen Crockett:I felt like this is.
Kristen Crockett:This is when you bring on other people and kind of the world that I had to hate him in order to divorce him.
Kate Uzaitis:Oh, God.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:So.
Kristen Crockett:And I found that through the work that I do.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:It's not like I.
Kristen Crockett:You know, I had that conscious thought.
Kristen Crockett:But I did some work and some journaling and I could see that about myself.
Kristen Crockett:And I'm like, no, I don't have to hate him.
Kristen Crockett:I can actually still love him.
Kristen Crockett:I can still honor him as a friend and I can still remove myself from the situation.
Kate Uzaitis:Love can transition.
Kate Uzaitis:It doesn't have to transition to hate.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:Just transition.
Kate Uzaitis:Like we can still love people and not have them in our life the way they were.
Kate Uzaitis:We can still love people and even through breakups.
Kate Uzaitis:I mean, I'm not married, not divorced, but I, I've told, I, I've told exes, I'm like, I will still love you.
Kate Uzaitis:It'll just be different just because I have given you a part of my heart and love and my, my being in time and energy and memories and everything.
Kate Uzaitis:I don't stop loving you.
Kate Uzaitis:I just have to choose to love you differently.
Kate Uzaitis:And that doesn't equate to hate and.
Kristen Crockett:Not give ourselves up in the process.
Kate Uzaitis:Yes.
Kate Uzaitis:I always choose my peace.
Kristen Crockett:Yes.
Kristen Crockett:Yes.
Kristen Crockett:Very good, very good.
Kristen Crockett:Well, you are, I know you have a lot of expertise in this area into relationships.
Kate Uzaitis:Yes.
Kristen Crockett:And I would love to find out from you what, what is, what are a few pieces of advice.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:Or, or coaching that you want to make sure that you give somebody who's struggling in a relationship.
Kate Uzaitis:It's like this.
Kate Uzaitis:I'm going to make a very sad thing right now.
Kate Uzaitis:A sad statement is, and this is reality time wise right now.
Kate Uzaitis:This is the time most people are sealing the deal on committing to divorce.
Kate Uzaitis:The most divorces are filed January, the first Monday in January past the holidays.
Kristen Crockett:Really?
Kate Uzaitis:Yes, absolutely.
Kate Uzaitis:That, that is, that is a statistical fact.
Kate Uzaitis:It is incredibly sad.
Kate Uzaitis:They've all white knuckled it through the holidays.
Kristen Crockett:Ah, yes.
Kate Uzaitis:And, and so the best advice, like it takes two people with 100 commitment and it takes to, with each person having 100%.
Kate Uzaitis:They have to own their responsibility and their accountability in the relationship and things, things really can be worked out.
Kate Uzaitis:I have, I have a couple I've recently worked with that came in.
Kate Uzaitis:They're like hell bent we're going to get divorced.
Kate Uzaitis:We are in session seven and their relationship has done such a 180.
Kate Uzaitis:Like divorce isn't even on the, on the table at all anymore.
Kate Uzaitis:They've actually stated how much they didn't recognize that they could love each other.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:And like January, I mean literally January 6th, which is the first Monday of this year, was their D day.
Kate Uzaitis:And I was just like, let's give it a shot and see what magic we can do if there's just this much a shot glass full of hope.
Kate Uzaitis:Anything can change with commitment.
Kristen Crockett:I love that you say, and we've mentioned a few times now, anything can change.
Kristen Crockett:Whether it's your relationships, whether it is your bank account, whatever that thing is commitment.
Kristen Crockett:You need to actually commit and not.
Kristen Crockett:I have a.
Kristen Crockett:I have a very formal, very technical statement that I use all the time in my coaching.
Kristen Crockett:Do you want to hear what it is?
Kate Uzaitis:Love it.
Kristen Crockett:Don't whiffle waffle.
Kate Uzaitis:You can't be dancing with one foot in and one foot out.
Kate Uzaitis:No, you can't.
Kristen Crockett:No, no.
Kristen Crockett:And I'm so glad that people actually know what that means, because I know that's my dad and me.
Kristen Crockett:He's like, let's go to Finertners.
Kristen Crockett:And I'm like, okay, we'll go to Menards.
Kristen Crockett:But it was.
Kristen Crockett:It was.
Kristen Crockett:But you can't wiffle waffle if you.
Kristen Crockett:I remember being in.
Kristen Crockett:It was actually landmark, and there was a gentleman that had stood up at one point and he said, we need to commit.
Kristen Crockett:And you can commit one of two ways.
Kristen Crockett:You can, you know, so on.
Kristen Crockett:He was using the analogy of a breakfast plate.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:You can commit like the chicken, but the chicken can lay another egg tomorrow.
Kristen Crockett:Or you can commit like the pig.
Kristen Crockett:His ass is on the plate.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:Ass is on the line.
Kristen Crockett:That always stuck with me.
Kristen Crockett:I'm like, do I think I can lay another egg tomorrow?
Kristen Crockett:Do I think that.
Kristen Crockett:You know.
Kristen Crockett:Because sometimes we commit to things, but we're not all in.
Kate Uzaitis:No.
Kate Uzaitis:You have to learn how to play full out.
Kristen Crockett:Yeah.
Kristen Crockett:And if you have a percentage of you that is all in, that's probably the percentage of the fulfillment and the results that you achieve.
Kristen Crockett:If you really look at it, it's measurable.
Kate Uzaitis:Sure.
Kate Uzaitis:Absolutely.
Kristen Crockett:So it makes sense that when you get two people committed to doing the work and even just creating the possibility that they don't have to get divorced, like, maybe there's another way when we start.
Kristen Crockett:I know for me, I really needed to look at what was my responsibility in it.
Kristen Crockett:And a lot of the times my responsibility came down to just my idea of what a healthy, happy relationship was, which was basically like a Hallmark movie.
Kristen Crockett:I don't always know that they do us all that good.
Kate Uzaitis:No.
Kate Uzaitis:It's a beautiful fantasy, though.
Kristen Crockett:I know.
Kate Uzaitis:They always look like Long Grove.
Kate Uzaitis:Yeah.
Kristen Crockett:Like, it's so nice, you know?
Kristen Crockett:And they wake up in a different pair of Christmas pajamas every day with their hair fully done and their makeup on.
Kristen Crockett:And reality.
Kristen Crockett:Yeah.
Kristen Crockett:I'm like, they just ran out of the house.
Kristen Crockett:And somehow they're perfectly coiffed.
Kristen Crockett:But it's, it's, it's not reality.
Kristen Crockett:And I had to take responsibility for that.
Kristen Crockett:And I kept picturing him doing exactly what I thought he would do.
Kate Uzaitis:Yeah.
Kristen Crockett:But that's my perspective, not his.
Kristen Crockett:And so I think that communication in a couple is so important.
Kate Uzaitis:You, you have to be willing to be vulnerable.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:Because people talk all the time about how they want connection and yet they skim across the surface.
Kate Uzaitis:Like, connection is depth, connection is vulnerability.
Kate Uzaitis:Connection is.
Kate Uzaitis:Truthfully, it's uncomfortable.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:Because it is all of those things that we've created a verbal train around of fear.
Kate Uzaitis:Like, oh, I can't share that.
Kate Uzaitis:Why not?
Kate Uzaitis:Yeah, why not?
Kate Uzaitis:And most people can't answer that question when I ask them why not?
Kate Uzaitis:Because it's your stuff and they don't.
Kristen Crockett:See what's in you.
Kristen Crockett:How do they know how to behave with you?
Kate Uzaitis:Navigate with you, problem solve with you, Compliment you?
Kate Uzaitis:All of those things.
Kate Uzaitis:Like you were, you weren't born perfect.
Kate Uzaitis:Sorry your mom and dad lied to you.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kate Uzaitis:And you definitely haven't been running the perfect train since.
Kate Uzaitis:So, like, knock it off.
Kate Uzaitis:Like Bob Newhart would say.
Kate Uzaitis:Stop it.
Kristen Crockett:Oh my gosh.
Kristen Crockett:You just quoted my very, very favorite, very, very favorite little six minute skit I've had to watch a thousand times.
Kristen Crockett:Perfect, by the way, for anybody retraining their brain.
Kristen Crockett:Stop it.
Kristen Crockett:Just stop it.
Kristen Crockett:I'll put that link in our show notes.
Kristen Crockett:But it's, it's, I really do find that it's that expectation that I need to be responsible for.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:I'm, I'm in control of my expectations, I'm in control of my actions, my reactions and my motivations.
Kristen Crockett:So I need to be, you know, if I'm open minded, you know, what I've learned over the years in this area, you know, now that I'm in a working relationship.
Kristen Crockett:Right.
Kristen Crockett:And it's not perfect.
Kristen Crockett:No means.
Kristen Crockett:But I love the person he is and I love the way he thinks and I love how he thinks very differently than me.
Kristen Crockett:So instead of looking at that as a threat like I might have in the past, I look at it like as a huge asset.
Kate Uzaitis:Yeah, yeah.
Kate Uzaitis:Because he's teaching that's like the whole point of a relationship and is Right.
Kate Uzaitis:To get us somewhere.
Kate Uzaitis:Ships are meant to get us somewhere.
Kate Uzaitis:And in that process, we grow, we learn.
Kate Uzaitis:Relationships, partnerships, they're all vessels to get us somewhere.
Kristen Crockett:Friendships.
Kristen Crockett:Yes.
Kristen Crockett:I love that analogy.
Kristen Crockett:I'm so glad you brought it up.
Kristen Crockett:You know, when we, I'll just tell my audience we did another recording.
Kristen Crockett:And it was brilliant.
Kristen Crockett:Kate was brilliant.
Kristen Crockett:And then I couldn't hear her for whatever reason on the recording.
Kristen Crockett:And so I think it had to do with us needing to do this today.
Kristen Crockett:Divine guide lighting.
Kate Uzaitis:Yep.
Kristen Crockett:But I love that you said that about the ships, because we often think that.
Kristen Crockett:We often think that we're supposed to.
Kristen Crockett:Like, I used to think that it.
Kristen Crockett:It was.
Kristen Crockett:It's a ship that takes me to joy.
Kristen Crockett:That takes me to this blissful kind of place, right?
Kristen Crockett:Well, no, not really.
Kristen Crockett:It takes me to my evolution as a person.
Kristen Crockett:And when you look at it like that, not like it has to be all unicorns and rainbows.
Kristen Crockett:It really gives you a lot of freedom to be you and to be your authentic self.
Kristen Crockett:But it also left space for them to.
Kristen Crockett:And a safe place for them to be themselves.
Kate Uzaitis:Yes.
Kate Uzaitis:All true.
Kate Uzaitis:And sometimes ships go through hurricanes.
Kristen Crockett:That's right.
Kate Uzaitis:You still get to where you need to go.
Kristen Crockett:You do.
Kristen Crockett:You do.
Kristen Crockett:Oh, I love talking to you.
Kristen Crockett:Okay, so the time goes by fast.
Kristen Crockett:So I wanna.
Kristen Crockett:I ask everybody on my show, what is the most courageous thing that you've ever done?
Kate Uzaitis:Oh, so you did this to me the last time.
Kate Uzaitis:And I'll.
Kate Uzaitis:I'll stand on it.
Kate Uzaitis:I like the.
Kate Uzaitis:The most courageous thing I have done was.
Kate Uzaitis:Was to show up for my mom in her last moments to help her pass with peace.
Kate Uzaitis:We did not.
Kate Uzaitis:I am what I coach.
Kate Uzaitis:So I am a woman with a mother wound that needed healing, and I needed to show up for her and get the apology that I truly deserved in the last moment.
Kristen Crockett:Wow.
Kristen Crockett:Wow.
Kate Uzaitis:That she got peace.
Kate Uzaitis:And that was a gift for both of us.
Kristen Crockett:You know, And I don't need to hear the specifics of your story to feel the energy of that and how powerful that is.
Kristen Crockett:So thank you for sharing.
Kate Uzaitis:Thank you.
Kristen Crockett:And what is the most courageous thing left for you to do on your bucket list?
Kate Uzaitis:What if.
Kate Uzaitis:I don't know because it hasn't shown up yet.
Kristen Crockett:I think that's okay.
Kate Uzaitis:You know what?
Kate Uzaitis:I don't know.
Kristen Crockett:It doesn't have to be the most.
Kristen Crockett:It could be in the top five, if that helps open the door.
Kate Uzaitis:I have recognized I'm being called to do and be more than I think I've given myself credit to do and be.
Kate Uzaitis:And recently it has been to do public speaking.
Kate Uzaitis:And I do have some big feelings around it.
Kate Uzaitis:It is nervousness and excitement at the same time.
Kate Uzaitis:And I think me navigating and figuring out how to do that and what that looks like is the next thing that I need to figure out.
Kristen Crockett:All right, well, you know that public speaking can be people's number one fear.
Kristen Crockett:Number one fear.
Kristen Crockett:And, and I think you're.
Kristen Crockett:You are a number one warrior.
Kristen Crockett:So I know you'll make your way.
Kate Uzaitis:It's fine.
Kate Uzaitis:I'm not afraid to talk.
Kate Uzaitis:That's not my issue.
Kate Uzaitis:I think it's the.
Kate Uzaitis:How do you find the people that are willing to listen?
Kristen Crockett:They're everywhere.
Kristen Crockett:They're everywhere.
Kristen Crockett:They're everywhere.
Kate Uzaitis:I.
Kate Uzaitis:Hopefully, then I will navigate that path next.
Kristen Crockett:All right, well, I have some things I'll speak to you about offline, where that's concerned, and some different resources for you.
Kristen Crockett:For everybody who's listening today, you can find Kate.
Kristen Crockett:We're going to go ahead and post her link in the show notes.
Kristen Crockett:So if you want to reach out to Kate, please, please do so.
Kristen Crockett:You know, she is a brilliant therapist, a brilliant coach, and just a phenomenal human being.
Kristen Crockett:Thank you so much, Kate, for being on my podcast today.
Kristen Crockett:Is there any last bits of wisdom you want to make sure that the listeners of this episode here.
Kate Uzaitis:I.
Kate Uzaitis:Well, one, I want to thank you.
Kate Uzaitis:I, I'm, I'm ever so grateful that your energy drew us together in an unfamiliar place for me, and I'm.
Kate Uzaitis:I, I appreciate divine intervention.
Kristen Crockett:Awesome.
Kate Uzaitis:So thank you.
Kristen Crockett:My honor.
Kristen Crockett:My honor.
Kristen Crockett:Well, thank you so much.
Kristen Crockett:And thank you, everybody, for listening.
Kristen Crockett:Until next time, live courageously.
